Next time, just call her INDIA.

12/30/2012 12:07:00 AM


Just because I am a woman? Am I not as much a citizen of free India as any male out there? Then why do I feel unsafe? Why do my parents have to worry about my safety every time I step out of my house? Is it not my right to live without fear?

I don't expect answers to my questions.

Do I want change to take place? Without a doubt.
Do I think there will be changes? A very small voice in me says it will.

How many more Nirbhayas/Amanats/Daminis do we need to bring about changes required to make it a safer place for women? I don't know. But I am guessing a lot. I say this, fully aware of the fact that the next victim could be me or someone I know. But does that make me anymore hopeful of change? No. But it does make me more fearful.

I am asked to cover up if I don't want to be raped. I am asked to not drink at clubs so that I am not considered easy. I am asked to surrender when six men force themselves on me, only so that I can save my life. Dignity seems like a cost to be paid for life. I protest against sexual crimes, only to be called a dented and painted woman.

What has the society we live in and have created come to? The guilty is let go and the victim is punished. With this kind of mindset, what kind of changes can one hope for!

I want to fight. I want to change things. I want to hope every future daughter of India comes into a safe world, wherein she doesn't have to apologize for anything she wears, does, wants and says.

With the reforms in laws and the enforcement of these laws, there needs to be a change in our basic mindset. We have started raising our daughters like our sons but haven't found courage to raise our sons a little like our daughters. Change can be brought along by fear of law but a more lasting and permanent change will be the one that happens when changes in mindsets takes place.

We can do our bit or, the next time, we can just call her INDIA.

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33 mused over the Musings....

  1. "We have started raising our daughters like our sons but haven't found courage to raise our sons a little like our daughters"...that was a great point...
    In India 52% women agrees that it is right for a man to beat his wife! even TV soaps shows women as submissive to men...that's the general mind set we all grow with...shame

  2. i feel instead of abstaining women from avoiding going out at night, men should not be allowed to go after dark.
    problem solved:)
    But nicely written , very strong views!

  3. "We have started raising our daughters like our sons but haven't found courage to raise our sons a little like our daughters" The root of our problem!
    I guess its got to do with the fact that in our culture we raise the girl to go into another family but boys are free to behave as they please because they don't have to go to anybody's house!

  4. I agree totally with you about women's right to freedom but when it comes to wearing revealing clothes--sorry,i don't think it is proper.It irks when it becomes vulgar & so many young girls today revel in smashing this barrier.What do they gain & what are they trying to prove?

  5. I pray there is no next time.
    Your blog is really well written.. two things that stand out..

    We have started raising our daughters like our sons but haven't found courage to raise our sons a little like our daughters

    Change can be brought along by fear of law but a more lasting and permanent change will be the one that happens when changes in mindsets takes place.. A Hope and Prayer that this happens sooner than later.

  6. I'm positive that 95% of all men in India are NEVER ever going to rape a woman. Yet, it's the 5% that cause all the trouble. Do you really think a "change in mindset" is the primary way to stop rape? There are some men who'll never change - they're psychopaths; their brains are wired in that way. So, in my opinion the primary solution to put an end to these crimes would be to have draconian laws that instill a sense of deep fear in those psychopaths, rather than creating awareness about a change in mindsets.

    1. Saurav I'm sorry to shatter your illusions but it's more than "5%" of men in India who are raping/sexually abusing women!

    2. Hi Saurav..

      Let's say your 5% stats are true, do you realize the population of the country?
      Well it's 1.21 billion people (according to the 2012 census)
      Male population is about 628.8 million that is 628,800,000..
      So according to your own statistics, there are 31440000 (3 million, 1 hundred and 44 thousand) rapists and trouble-makers in our country.

      Thank you for making me feel so safe now!

      P.S - Very well written Upasana!

  7. Very well written. However, I wonder how long is it going to take before change in attitudes happen. What Saurav has mentioned is true to a certain extent. But, the extent of submission that a girl has to undergo in India is to an extent quite a lot. I wonder if it is doing any good. What we saw in Delhi was the extreme end of a spectrum of abuse of women. There needs to be a change in attitudes towards the girl child and women. Please read my perspective at

  8. The whole situation coupled with the government's apathy is so infuriating!
    And as far as the write-up is concerned- my sentiments exactly.

  9. Hi Upasana,

    Indeed, little things go a long way in reforming society. This calls for action oriented steps in the right direction and complete moral cleansing of the society. Hope we never have to hear such news again.
    Good post. Keep it up.


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  10. I agree, all it takes is a mind-set change. But it takes a lot to achieve that in our country where a woman is constantly symbolized as an "item" or "sex" symbol by entertainment industry. If some men can't change their mind-sets, they should at least get a grip on themselves.

    1. True! The depiction of a woman is in two extremes in the media. As the sex symbol or the sheltered bahu. That needs to be changed.

  11. Well written post, Upasana. Fear of law should deter such crimes from happening, but it's time that the educated youth does something about creating awareness about issues, than just sitting and waiting around for laws to change or hoping for miracles to happen..

    1. Totally Sangeeta! Its about doing what you can rather than hoping for changes to happen on their own.

  12. Somebody said on FB : If the braveheart can be sent to Singapore for treatment, why not send the 6 animals to Saudi Arabia for "better" and "instant" treatment ?

  13. Hey Upasana,

    Totally agree with what you say.

    Waiting for an awakened India to change things....

    Neha Sharma

  14. Yup, Its time we raise our sons like daughters

    Awesomely written Upasana

  15. Change will come, and we'll need to bring it in.

  16. Let's hope this wont happen again

  17. Nice post madam.
    Woman have all the rights of living and expressing
    but the govt is doing nothing to secure them from getting abused.
    who will wake them up??
    All the parties are eyeing 2014 polls but no party is raising the voice of cutting down the cases against in 2014

    Still we say we live in Democratic country :)


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